50+ and proud of it.

I just received an email from some unknown person from "Group", headed "Training Plans". As mentioned earlier, we've just been undergoing "restructuring" and this appears to be part of the Master Plan. There were about 40 people in the "To" list. My work colleague was first on the list and I was the second - and it's not in alphabetical order. After a few seconds thought, I sent the following note to him that simply said: "Scary that we're first on the list..." A few moments later I got the reply: "I was thinking that! Does that mean we are the thickest?"

I was trying to explain to someone at work the other day about something or other and went to an early entry in my blog 1 to prove a point. I noticed that a lot of the images in various blog entries had disappeared 2 , so I selflessly re-read all my blog entries to edit in the missing pictures again. It was then I noticed that my writing style had changed over the years, and more worryingly, I couldn't remember half the reasons why I had made the entry in the first place. This led me onto another "ah ha" moment - if I couldn't work out why then anyone else had absolutely no chance whatsoever! Fr'instance: National, Trust Wife With Camera (4,6) , I spent a while working out what I meant by this (like all of yesterday), I now realise (today) it was simply an annoyance to people who do crosswords and there's no answer... and Thanks Dad. I missed two important bits: Dad's been dead since May 2002 and someone said "go left"... Anyway, I decided not...

I had a voice mail this morning from "yesterday". "You Mum's had fall but she's OK. Please ring 0161.... By the way we left a voice mail on your home phone." *ring* *ring* "Hello, Social Services here, your Mom's just fine, just a small bruise on her back and we think she has a UDI." "Hello, this is me here, I'm glad Mom's Ok, you never left a message, and, how the hell did she get a UDI?" "Oh, old folks get them all the time! Don't worry too muc h." I paused for bit. 'Old folks get them a lot'? Jeez. I got into work this morning. My work colleague was going though her phone messages and was visibly shaken. "You OK?" "Not to start with. I then realised that one message was for you. My mom died when I was 14, so I wondered how she ' had hurt her back, but was OK now '" Ah, so my home phone number is actually my colleague's work number (not even my work number). Never mind. I...

This was going to be entitled "My Worst Christmas Holiday" but it wasn't quite that bad. I'm back at work tomorrow and I feel that I need another week... Friday 23 rd : Son's 106 fails MOT on washer bottle not working. Spend 20 minutes removing it from wheel arch: 15 minutes of which spent getting out (intact) one of those stupid black push-in clips that hold the wheel arch liner in. 3 minutes chiseling off the other four in frustration, and 1 minute getting out the pump. Spend 1 minute picking up the broken bits of the other clips off the floor. Do a 45 minute round trip getting exactly the correct pump from a local motor factor. No one in town has anything like the clips. I resolve to go to the Peugeot dealer in the county town 12 miles away. I just hit the one-way system and find Maidstone is completely grid-locked. I spend 45 minutes getting half a mile to the nearest car park. Spend £8 on the clips and spend 45 minutes getting out of town to the wrong side...

I read this article today about using pictures (of faces etc) instead of conventional "textual" passwords and was interested in the following sentence: " The initial calculations show that it is likely to provide a level of security that is at least as strong as a password, and frankly, stronger than most passwords chosen by users," he added Yeah, right. If people are going to use passwords today of " password " and " 123456 " etc then they're still going to choose " ear, ear, eye, nose, you " Boom boom. I thank you.

I don't know if this is funny or not, I guess you had to have been there - but here goes anyway. A bit of background: We've just gone through a fairly extensive "restructuring" process (yes, you can read "redundancies" if you like) and one of the things everyone had to do was to "register an interest" for a particular job that's on offer (aka apply for your own job). Even the senior management had to do this. Prior to all this happening were several "restructuring" announcements (read "redundancies") a while back. I won't go into why it was a complete f***-up but suffice to say there was no HR presence, because "everything was going to be alright". Crucially, the important bit was the announcement that the Devon office was going to close and "everyone one had a job" so long as they moved to Wales. In their defence, HR were at that meeting. Anyhoo, last Friday one of the ladies in the office was on th...

As hinted in this blog entry I am currently engaged in a, err, disc ussion, with a certain Debt Collection Agency acting on behalf of Euro Car Parks. I say "discussion", but as of to date it's been a complete ignore of their threatening letters. My son received one the other week - " You owe us £100, but we'll reduce it to £70 if you pay up now else we may take you to court ". It is of course total bollocks. If you feel like an interesting hour or two, Google for "Euro Car Parks Scam". Anyhoo, that's not the point of this post. Oh no. I thought it was time that I stopped it and replied with a letter sort of pointing out what the law actually states (or, I believe actually states having read all these forums ;-) ) ... The contract is between the land owner and driver of th e vehicle, not the registered keeper. If you can provide me with irrefutable proof of who the driver was, then I may be able to help you. For this piece of advice I have c...

I was watching the new series (S2, Ep 1) of Mongrels the other night when at "15:36" or thereabouts I saw the briefest of flashes of what appeared to be a subliminal page. I spent the next ten minutes or so playing the "Play/Pause/Step" game with the DVD recorder. I eventually got this: A little more delicate finger work revealed:- Brilliant! I pressed "play" again and thought I spotted another flash a moment later. It took a little more extra effort to get this. I then read the last line: I'll forgive them. It was worth it. Offers anybody? Anyone?

I was Googling for stuff about Private Parking Companies (PPC) the other day, for reasons which may, or may not, become clear later. Through an intricate series of "following-web-links" I came across this gem . It's very long. But it comes with a health warning. Don't drink coffee when reading. Enjoy.

My wife has recently been into "day hospital" for a minor operation. It was the usual "name, date of birth, next of kin please" sort of stuff and eventually we made it onto the ward where we went through *exactly* the same set of questions. "They're only making sure they've got the right person," my said trying to justify, "they must make sure that everything is right!" "Right, everything off, put on that gown" smiled the cheery nurse, "now go and pee into that bowl..." "Oh, ok(?)" replied the wife, "I'm sure they know what they're doing." She toddled off and returned with a bowl full of, well, you know. "Ah" "Ah, what?" said the wife "I didn't notice that on your notes, it says you had 'the lot' out a while ago, the pee-test was to ensure that you're not pregnant." "Err, yes, I am completely potential-child free and have been for some time ...

You would think that plugging in a plug is one of the more easy things to do in the 21st century wouldn't you? Well. Last night my "Homeplug v2.0" turned up so that I could connect my TV to the Internet so that I could watch stuff on iPlayer - like the last episode of the series of Doctor Who . The small piece of paper labelled "How to add another Homeplug to an existing network" gave five steps: Plug in the plug. Press and hold the security button 10 seconds Wait until the green light stops flashing. Press the same button on number 1 for 3 seconds. Press the same button on number 2 for 3 seconds. " Wait one minute and you are now networked! " What really happened:- I can do that by reaching behind the TV and plugging it into the power strip. The lights come on and then off again. I can do this too by stretching over the TV, catching my ribs on the top of the TV and winding myself. The lights stop flashing and then they all go off. Number 1? Ah, this o...

I was going to simply put " very " and leave it at that. However... The story so far: Sunday: Go to Mom's for her 96th birthday. (Birthday on the Saturday, but we wanted to take the Great-Grandson with us and his Mom & Dad were only free then). Get there for 15:40 (well, we had got the grandson and they were late getting to us, then we had to feed him half way up the M1. As someone said once "I feel like I've had a good day if I can get the baby and me dressed by lunchtime). Pull up on Mom's driveway to get accosted by a deputation from the neighbours - "She's driving us nuts ringing up every half hour sort out the TV!". Apparently they sort it out and she then fiddles with it because "the picture is dreadful" and then calls them over again. It turns out that "they" turned off the analogue signal a few weeks ago and Mom was trying to watch white noise. The FreeSat box we had fitted a while back simply wasn't being use...

I've always been a fan of Vauxhalls since my MkII Cavalier some, err, a lot, years ago. And, indeed we have an Astra as the sensible car. Since the demise of the daughter's Peugeot a year ago when we got her a Corsa everything was fine; until last week. "Hello Vauxhall Dealer. Please can you do a service and MOT on the Corsa?" "Yes, of course and we'll do a reasonable price too!" *ring* *ring* "Hello, the Corsa has failed on so many things that we ran out of red failure sheets, we've put the car in a cardboard box for you to collect. BTW, the airbag light is on but it's not a failure.". (I knew that, it's been on since we bought the car). Actually, it wasn't that bad TBH. Although it *was* a long list, it was mainly front suspension stuff & broken coil springs 1 that are easy to do - but really irritating thing was it failed on " Drivers' seat not secure ". Part 1: Find a seat Co...

We spent an interesting time near Naples the other week. Interesting, not because the weather was nice and it was all relaxing, or the fact that we spent the week in a down-market version of Center-Parcs, no, it's because the Italians are completely and utterly mad on the road. "What" I hear you say "we already knew that". Wrong - these guys make a profession of it. I've driven along the Adriatic Coast, I've driven in Rome and I've driven in Sicily. But the drivers around Naples are totally bonkers. First of all, the roads are only wide enough for two Fiat 500's and secondly most of them are hacked into a cliff face with a vertical face one side and a sheer drop the other, secured only by a small brick wall. This is a picture of such a road taken shamelessly from this site : Now what makes it interesting is the following scenario: You're driving along at 20 mph trying to slot the i30 between the cliff face + pedestrians and the white line wh...

Dykes , I know a thing or two Well, mostly the Dutchmen do I've been known to put a finger in one or two Anon (...well Ron at work actually)

We work in an office close to one of the main machines and often feel the floor vibrate as the machine switches modes and so on. So when we felt a large "thump" this afternoon we weren't concerned and duly carried on beavering away. A few moments later one of my colleagues remarked, "Oh, we've just lost the network", "...and the phones," came a plaintive cry from the other side of the office "...humph, we've lost the switch, I'll go and check it out." To fully appreciate the next photo you have to know that we work on the second floor and 56 steps from the ground. He came back in to the office from the top of the stairs - "I don't think I want to check the switch..." Yes, that really is 10" deep water, and, hot water too - and it's on the first floor. The Fire Main to the machine hall had fractured and the water was flowing in so fast that it couldn't escape down either set of stairs fast enough so it si...

The wife & I went to see " The Spirit Of Pink Floyd " last Friday at the Winter Gardens in Margate. Now, I'm not reviewing the "gig" - although they did start off a little, um, slow and eventually got going after the interval. I noticed however that the average age of the audience was about 50 and if you could make a cloth out of all the blokes' hair you might just about scrape together a hankie. No, it was the comments from the chaps behind after the band did "Hey You" post-interval. "Well, they finally got one right then..." I got little worried when the guy beside me - who "went for a spliff" at the break - said after then next rendition "This ish my favourite shong from the best album ever". I smiled politely, I had no idea what the song was or indeed from what album, "yeah, the best ever" I agreed. Fortunately the "I luff you" and arm-around-the-shoulders didn't happen. After the show a...

Laughing at your own jokes is a sure sign that you have no friends left. However, for some reason I found this so funny that I was genuinely crying with laughter. This is a "Sametime" conversation with my project manager (PM) regarding a contractor we were going to interview... PM ptv? PTV yo PM can you do an interview with a guy on Friday 9.00 ish ? PTV yes, but I have another chappie from CSI coming to see me at 11:00 for an "introductory visit" PTV It would be good if you were there too... PM ok PM 9.00 to 11.00 PM ? PTV ok PM ok, setting it up , keep friday 9.00 to 11.00 am PM free PM ok, we are seeing him Friday AM speak Thursday - the guy is called Franco PTV Franco. As in furter? PM franco as in italian from sicily PM flying in Thursday 5.00pm PM more details to follow ...

I almost forgot to thank St Thomas's Hospital for saving the life of my grandson the other week. He was born with a 6mm VSD and required open heart surgery at the age of about 10 weeks. No jokes, no smart remarks, just a heartfelt thank you to all concerned. He's doing just fine now. Oh, and the Blue Tits + family left. This was the last we saw of them.

Part The First. (Tuesday) 08:50 Arrive at work via lift from wife. 08:52 "Um, hello Mercedes dealer, I've broken a stud in the turbo on my smart roadster, can you fix please?" "(sigh) I suppose so, bring it in tomorrow." "Ah. I can't drive it 'cos it ain't got no exhaust on it." "Err, do you want to take advantage of the smart recovery service? Here's the number." 08:54 *ring*. Explain. Counter-explain about costing money and AA Recovery service. 08:55 *ding* Text. "Hello it's the AA here we'll be at your house at 09:05" 08:55 and 30 seconds. "Sh*t, give us the keys to the beamer pool car! Gotta go!" 09:05 *ring*. "It's the AA man, where are you?" 09:05 and 30 seconds. Wave to AA man. AA man puts roadster on trailer. 09:20 Drive back to work. 10:00 *ring* "It's Mercedes, your car's just arrived, we'll take a look at it now, not tomorrow." 10:30 *ring* "It...