50+ and proud of it.

As mentioned earlier, Cala Ferrera is a maze of twisty passages, all alike 1 . To get from reception (ie the bar) back to our appartment took just 3 minutes to walk the 320 metres (green). If you drive it, it takes 5 minutes to travel the 1.6 miles (2.5 kilometres) due to the fact that that entire route is on a one-way system: ...or you can simply do an illegal left turn at the Spar and save 4½ minutes. It's your choice. 1 ...or is that a twisty maze of passages, all alike? You have to be old to get that one. :-)

Well. Difficult to sum up this brilliant Grand Prix in two words. " Spa, Rain " does quite well but that didn't really affect the overall result, so I think it has to be simply " Lewis Hamilton ". Most interesting part? You mean apart from pretty much all of it? How about this: It's interesting that the unknown man is framing Eddie Jordan rather than David Coulthard, and that it's a right hand which means he's cuddling up to the BBC cameraman!

We've just come back from a very pleasant week in Mallorca 1 . It was one of those holidays that had to be planned with military precision due to the number of people involved. OK, it was only six, but this involved hiring two cars and therefore, finding two working 2 satnavs and that was enough for me. We took night flights 'cos they were a lot cheaper, ending up in Palma at three 3 in the morning. We picked up the cars - one very nice Fiesta diesel which my son hired from Goldcar and one Lancia 1.4i Musa POS 4 I hired from Hertz. We loaded up and set off for Cala Ferrera getting lost in some one-horse town half way due to the crap mapping in the Gamin. At some point in the journey my wife casually remarked, "D'you think someone will be in reception at five in the morning? 5 ". There was a family-pause and a collective "Ah." The satnav took us to the middle of a very quiet rabbit warren of one-way avenues all lined with Fiestas & Lancia Musa PO

My eldest son has just informed me that I'm going to be a Grandad. The baby is due 23rd Feb next year. My wife has taken this rather badly. "I don't want to be a grandmother yet! I've still got one at home!". Yes, and he'll still be at home if he don't pass his driving test next time. How can you not see a "Stop" sign? Quite easily, apparently.

Following on from my bizarre fascination with psychic octopuses, I remember talking to a guy who had a very talented octopus in a tank in his front room. He explained that the octopus could play any musical instrument he chose to give it. Naturally, I had to see that. He put the octopus on the table and gave it a violin, with which it played Bach's Violin Concerto in E Major note perfect. He then gave it a bugle and it played Reveille with gusto. I thought, "I'll fox him", and I went to fetch my bagpipes from the car. The octopus looked at them and started to struggle madly with the instrument, not playing a note. "There you go", I said "I knew he couldn't play everything!" "Play?", said the octopus, "Once I get its damn pyjamas off, I'm going to shag it..." Bagpipes with legs in air... boom, boom, I, er, thank you.

I thought " Attempted murder " quite nicely summed up this one. Although " Renault Idiots " came a close second after they released Kubica into Sutil in the pits. Most interesting bit? Dunno, really. Probably the announcement that F1 shuts down for 4 weeks until Spa.