50+ and proud of it.

I heard this morning that the great Michael Jackson died yesterday, aged 50, from a heart attack. There are those people who loved him, those who hated him and those who, quite frankly, didn't did a stuff. Will MJ be remembered for his great music, or his horrific upbringing? Will MJ be remembered for his great music, or the allegations of child abuse? Will MJ be remembered for his great music, or his alleged attempt at being white? Will MJ be remembered for his great music, or that he died at the same time as Farrah Fawcett-Majors? Will MJ be... & etc etc etc. My wife was devastated, she had failed several times to get tickets for the (obviously now cancelled) MJ tour in the UK. Whilst watching the TV coverage this morning she suddenly remarked "Oh, I don't now how much shopping to buy now!", "Why?", I asked, "Was he coming round for tea?" There was rumour that he was in fact Latoya and MJ are/were the same people. Now we'll find out. I ha

Just how long had all this gone on for? I mean this ridiculous 'budget-cap-breakaway-threat' mess that Formula 1 has got itself into? I read with great interest today and some relief that Max has finally announced that "it's all been sorted out". Fortunately, "sorted out" also includes a new FIA president in October ;-). I was watching Eddie Jordan before Sunday's race (Silverstone) and he remarked to Bernie Ecclestone something along the lines of "can't you just go and bang a few heads together?" It reminded me of that great Fawlty Towers sketch : To Manuel 1 : Pointing to Sybil: "This, Basil's wife." Pointing to himself: "This, Basil. This, smack on head." Now why couldn't they have done that earlier? 1 Substitute names as you think appropriate!

My son left home again yesterday. I say "again" as he tried this before and it all went pear-shaped - something about his flat-mate owing money to a drug-dealer and his mate getting beat up, we never did hear the whole story, but at least he had the sense to move out pretty sharpish. Anyway, he and his girlfriend moved in together yesterday and we went round to help. "I wonder how long it'll take for him to mess this place up like he has at home?" my wife asked. Normal coming home procedure was to kick off his work boots, covering the hall tiles with concrete dust & sand, throw the yellow jacket over the stair rail and then make a sandwich leaving crumbs and butter over the work surface. "This is a really nice place. I'm going to have a 'shoes-off' policy", he remarked, "I don't want dirt all over my floor!" I had to rugby-tackle my wife to the floor who was just about to kill him...

In order to save money by not hiring an "I know all about Satellite TV" specialist I set about installing a brilliant bit of kit I bought from the local Screwfix store (FreeSat install kit # 85448) . I checked it out by clamping the dish to the patio table and running the cable through the lounge window. This did not go down well with the wife as she thought that this was the final install. I tripped up the cat too, because the cable ran underneath the kitty-door... Also, there are no instructions with the kit 1 , only an exploded diagram of the assembly, a small device intriguingly called a "satellite finder" and a compass that would be laughed out of a Boy Scout meeting. I found out later that the compass was attracted to any metal object, including the dish itself. That's why the dish always seemed to face dead South. I had already installed the cable in the loft and down the cavity wall when I removed the fireplace late last year. The cable was coiled and

10 years ago I bought an Hitachi TV from Currys. It was superb, brilliant picture and so on. The only problem with it was that because it was a traditional CRT, it was as deep as it was wide, oh, and damn well heavy. Time passes and LCD TV's and FreeSat came along - and so did the Panasonic Vieras. "I want one of those", I said to my long suffering wife, "but I can't justify the cost when the TV I have is so good!" I kept tabs on the price (as you do) and eventually they hit rock bottom at about £699 what with the crap pound/yen exchange rate an' all that - or should that be dong? Last Thursday the Hitachi expired, not in a blaze of glory or anything to signify the end of a glorious career, it just failed to turn on. The little red light came on and then off and that was that. I rubbed my hand with glee - " YES! " The Panasonic beckoned. My wife glanced over from making tea, "Why can't we just get it repaired like we did 5 years ago? I

Having eventually escaped from the traffic queues we finally made it to " Holiday-In-France-Part-II " - Le Manoir De Gourlay near the Somme Valley. We turned up only slightly fried and parked on the lawn. We walked in and found ourselves in someones back garden where the family were sitting around drinking. I looked at my friend ("are we in the right place?") I whispered. "Guess so, that's why it says Manoir De Gourlay on the gatepost". "Ah, this'll be it then". We were invited in. "Sit down, make yourselves at home, beers are in the fridge, wine's in the dining room, we're having a barbecue, are you eating with us?", "Um, yes?" During the evening meal, the host almost invisibly replaced the empty wine bottles with full ones. We got fairly trashed and I'm ashamed to admit, the same thing happened the next night. When we came to settle up the bill, we realised that each meal had cost a flat €25. Later on w

Last Sunday on the way back to our next stop in the Somme Valley we detoured via Bayeaux to catch a glimpse of the Tapestry. It's something that's been on my Things To Do Before I Die list since junior school. I took my camera in, but was politely referred to a notice that read "No Cameras" and that little camera sign with the bar through it. Very good it was too. I was examining the cloth with great interest when I overheard the American next to me say "Gee, didn't they write funny in those days?". "That's medieval Latin", I said, "that says 'Harold Was Here' and that says 'Harold went over to France'". "You speak Latin bud?", "Yes, I learnt it at school". There was a man next to me intently focusing a Nikon on a section of the cloth. I heard him mutter "Smug git!". "Yes, but at least I can sodding well read." I spy with my little eye... something beginning with "A&quo