Don't try this at home.
In order to save money by not hiring an "I know all about Satellite TV" specialist I set about installing a brilliant bit of kit I bought from the local Screwfix store (FreeSat install kit #85448). I checked it out by clamping the dish to the patio table and running the cable through the lounge window. This did not go down well with the wife as she thought that this was the final install. I tripped up the cat too, because the cable ran underneath the kitty-door...
Also, there are no instructions with the kit1, only an exploded diagram of the assembly, a small device intriguingly called a "satellite finder" and a compass that would be laughed out of a Boy Scout meeting. I found out later that the compass was attracted to any metal object, including the dish itself. That's why the dish always seemed to face dead South.
I had already installed the cable in the loft and down the cavity wall when I removed the fireplace late last year. The cable was coiled and ready to be fed through the fascia gap - all systems go!
Not quite.
Step One. All I had to do was to drill a hole in the fascia, feed the cable through from the loft and nail it to the wall. How hard can that be? Drilling the hole was a small challenge - perched on top of an 18' ladder when the hole is 20' up is interesting, especially if you're marginally afraid of heights (oh, and dying too).
I went into the loft to feed the cable. I then realised that the gap between the party wall and my loft extension was 10". I am 12" wide at best. This meant that the hole was now 12 feet away from the cable and absolutely no chance of getting one to t'other. Bugger. I went downstairs to re-think my strategy.
"How's it going", she asked.
"Fine thanks"
Step One was finally completed with the aid of the top off a fishing rod, a bent bicycle spoke, a long piece of dowel, one ball of string, some duct tape and a cat2.
Step Two. All I had to do was to drill four holes in the wall and bolt the dish to the wall. How hard can that be? I should point out at this stage that I am in fact doing all this work from my neighbours garden as the conservatory prevents any ladder access from my side of the fence. I had to walk about 50 yards to get anything each time - including recovering nuts & tools dropped between the fence and the conservatory...
Step Two completed with only slight sunburn on both sides of my head.
Step Three. All I had to do was to connect the LNB to the cable and line the dish up to the Astra satellite. How sodding hard can that be3? At the required 28.2 degrees east, the dish was oriented to the wall such that it was impossible to get to the adjustment bolts behind the dish to clamp up the unit when it was in the correct place. To get to those bolts I had to get in front of the dish and of course blocked the signal and therefore precise adjustment was impossible. Satellite finder said "yes", (50 yard run to TV), TV said "no". 200 yards and 3 satellites later4 I went for my 5th cup of tea.
"How's it going"
"Fine thanks"
Step Three completed after 3 hours, major sunburn and realisation that all I had to do was to line up the dish the same as my neighbours.
I switched onto BBC HD. Andy Murray winning Queen's. I hate Tennis.
1During later research - I find out there's an "All you need to know about installing satellite dishes" PDF on the Screwfix website.
2Don't worry, duct tape doesn't stick to cats...
3Very.
4Hotbird, Eurosat, Intelsat 901, 902, DSO and bar + a host of others.
Also, there are no instructions with the kit1, only an exploded diagram of the assembly, a small device intriguingly called a "satellite finder" and a compass that would be laughed out of a Boy Scout meeting. I found out later that the compass was attracted to any metal object, including the dish itself. That's why the dish always seemed to face dead South.
I had already installed the cable in the loft and down the cavity wall when I removed the fireplace late last year. The cable was coiled and ready to be fed through the fascia gap - all systems go!
Not quite.
Step One. All I had to do was to drill a hole in the fascia, feed the cable through from the loft and nail it to the wall. How hard can that be? Drilling the hole was a small challenge - perched on top of an 18' ladder when the hole is 20' up is interesting, especially if you're marginally afraid of heights (oh, and dying too).
I went into the loft to feed the cable. I then realised that the gap between the party wall and my loft extension was 10". I am 12" wide at best. This meant that the hole was now 12 feet away from the cable and absolutely no chance of getting one to t'other. Bugger. I went downstairs to re-think my strategy.
"How's it going", she asked.
"Fine thanks"
Step One was finally completed with the aid of the top off a fishing rod, a bent bicycle spoke, a long piece of dowel, one ball of string, some duct tape and a cat2.
Step Two. All I had to do was to drill four holes in the wall and bolt the dish to the wall. How hard can that be? I should point out at this stage that I am in fact doing all this work from my neighbours garden as the conservatory prevents any ladder access from my side of the fence. I had to walk about 50 yards to get anything each time - including recovering nuts & tools dropped between the fence and the conservatory...
Step Two completed with only slight sunburn on both sides of my head.
Step Three. All I had to do was to connect the LNB to the cable and line the dish up to the Astra satellite. How sodding hard can that be3? At the required 28.2 degrees east, the dish was oriented to the wall such that it was impossible to get to the adjustment bolts behind the dish to clamp up the unit when it was in the correct place. To get to those bolts I had to get in front of the dish and of course blocked the signal and therefore precise adjustment was impossible. Satellite finder said "yes", (50 yard run to TV), TV said "no". 200 yards and 3 satellites later4 I went for my 5th cup of tea.
"How's it going"
"Fine thanks"
Step Three completed after 3 hours, major sunburn and realisation that all I had to do was to line up the dish the same as my neighbours.
I switched onto BBC HD. Andy Murray winning Queen's. I hate Tennis.
1During later research - I find out there's an "All you need to know about installing satellite dishes" PDF on the Screwfix website.
2Don't worry, duct tape doesn't stick to cats...
3Very.
4Hotbird, Eurosat, Intelsat 901, 902, DSO and bar + a host of others.
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