50+ and proud of it.

"Let's visit Grandma!" Yeah, great plan. Grab some fuel, turn south onto the A249 at 10:01am and off we jolly well stop. Like, really stop. Turn off engine, stare at the Nissan in front and wait. Time passes and so do four Police patrol cars, three fire engines and eventually the Kent Air Ambulance. After 1½ hours I go for a walk and drag the life story out of anyone stupid enough to have their window down. More time passes and I notice that the Old Bill are turning people around in an orderly fashion and sending them back up (and off) onto the A2 on-slip. A lot more people notice too. I remarked to the Nissan driver who'd just missed his hospital appointment in Maidstone - "I think I'll wait until I'm told...", "seems like a plan", he said. At 11:57am a bloke *way* in front decided he couldn't wait and spun it round into the gap left for Fire Engines - and Police Cars - and proceeded to drive northwards towards on-coming, although stat

(ring)(ring) "Hello Dad, I was driving home from town and my car started to make a funny noise" "Well, stop then and call out the breakdown people" "No, I think I can drive home" (click) (one cup of tea later) "Hello Dad, my phone battery is dying and my clutch has just gone, I'm..." (click) I did some maths and worked out where she was. Now to be fair, when I got there, she had borrowed a nice policeman's mobile to ring up the breakdown people, and, he had helped her push it from the junction to the side of the road. I diverted to "Mr Clutch" and booked it in. Whilst waiting for the lorry she made the famous statement: "It's only a fortnight until I get a years no claims!" Girl, let me explain...

We called in chap from a different company to give us another quote for the log-burner. After the measuring and mandatory teeth-sucking he came up with a figure which was dear but seemed to tick all the right boxes. "Thanks very much", I said, "at least you didn't have to call in the fitter!" "Who was that then?" he asked "Oh, just some bloke so shoved up his own a*** that he thought we were beneath him" He thought for a moment and smiled. "Oh, that'll be Simon then."

Today (01 Dec 08) marked the end of about 60 years of fine white paper making in Sittingbourne. PM6 (Paper Machine 6) ceased production at the New Thames mill at 06:00 this morning. It will be rebuilt to make CCM (Corrugated Case Material) - a brown paper used in packaging. It is hoped full production of saleable paper will commence on Monday, 12th Jan 09. The title is a pun. Only those of us in the know will understand it...