At least it didn't snow.
This was going to be entitled "My Worst Christmas Holiday" but it wasn't quite that bad. I'm back at work tomorrow and I feel that I need another week...
Friday 23rd: Son's 106 fails MOT on washer bottle not working. Spend 20 minutes removing it from wheel arch: 15 minutes of which spent getting out (intact) one of those stupid black push-in clips that hold the wheel arch liner in. 3 minutes chiseling off the other four in frustration, and 1 minute getting out the pump. Spend 1 minute picking up the broken bits of the other clips off the floor. Do a 45 minute round trip getting exactly the correct pump from a local motor factor. No one in town has anything like the clips. I resolve to go to the Peugeot dealer in the county town 12 miles away. I just hit the one-way system and find Maidstone is completely grid-locked. I spend 45 minutes getting half a mile to the nearest car park. Spend £8 on the clips and spend 45 minutes getting out of town to the wrong side - no way was I going to go back around the one-way system again. I get to the correct side of town having gone seemingly via Brighton. The main "A" road north is blocked with an accident so I go through the lanes encountering arrogant Lycra-clad "professional" cyclists who just won't get out of the bloody way and a trio of completely bonkers horses with their riders. One of which nearly climbed over the Smart.
I get home after 5 hours. Go up the local pub for tea.
Christmas Eve: Pack the car up with presents and Nos 2 & 3 children and drive to 96-year-old Mother's in Wolverhampton. SatNav says 3 hours. Get to Luton on the M1 and see 4 lanes of totally stationary traffic. SatNav is smart enough to divert us off to the A5 (or something).
We get to Mom's after 5 hours. Go up the local pub for tea.
Christmas Day: Mom has been got up at 07:30 by the carers as is normal. We all get up at 08:00 'cos of the noise (and not the smell of turkey cooking, although I think I smelled some from the next door neighbour's, although this may have been some unidentified medicine of Mom's downstairs). We sort of manage to have some form of order giving out presents and the "this is for you" conversations are interspersed with "Are you still at school?", "No I've finished university Grandma and have my degree", "Oh, are you a teacher?", "No, I manage a large pub", "What? Are you a drunkard?!", "No, I work behind the bar", "So, when do you finish school then?".
This repeats for 5 hours until Mom's Meals-On-Wheels arrives. We walk to the local pub for Christmas Dinner.
My Daughter summed it up: "So, that was crap then wasn't it?"
Boxing Day: We have to drive home because daughter has to work the Evening Shift. SatNav says 3 hours. We get held up at the Dartford Crossing.
This takes 5 hours. We go to the local pub for tea. It is shut.
Tuesday 27th: Go to Mother-In-Law's for Wife's-side-of-the-family Christmas Buffet. Mother-In-Law has just had a replacement knee operation and can't do anything. We buy the buffet, prepare it all and do everything else.
This takes 5 hours. We stay in, get rat-*rsed and go to bed.
Wednesday 28th: Go into work as we are moving offices as I want to make sure I get a good seat. This involves carrying 3 boxes of my stuff from the old office, across the walk-bridge and into the new office and should take about an hour. There are three other people involved in the move.
This takes 5 hours. I want to go up the pub for tea, but feel too hung-over still.
Thursday 29th: This is the first day my wife and I have time to ourselves. We get up late and read books and stuff.
This takes 5 hours. We still aren't up to going up the pub yet.
New Year's Eve: We go to our friend's daughter's 21st birthday party at the local village hall. It's a disco with speakers that could power a jumbo jet. I think I heard the chimes of Big Ben in there somewhere. We spent the evening mostly shouting at one another across the table and getting blinded by the lasers from the disco.
This takes a very, very long 5 hours.
Friday 23rd: Son's 106 fails MOT on washer bottle not working. Spend 20 minutes removing it from wheel arch: 15 minutes of which spent getting out (intact) one of those stupid black push-in clips that hold the wheel arch liner in. 3 minutes chiseling off the other four in frustration, and 1 minute getting out the pump. Spend 1 minute picking up the broken bits of the other clips off the floor. Do a 45 minute round trip getting exactly the correct pump from a local motor factor. No one in town has anything like the clips. I resolve to go to the Peugeot dealer in the county town 12 miles away. I just hit the one-way system and find Maidstone is completely grid-locked. I spend 45 minutes getting half a mile to the nearest car park. Spend £8 on the clips and spend 45 minutes getting out of town to the wrong side - no way was I going to go back around the one-way system again. I get to the correct side of town having gone seemingly via Brighton. The main "A" road north is blocked with an accident so I go through the lanes encountering arrogant Lycra-clad "professional" cyclists who just won't get out of the bloody way and a trio of completely bonkers horses with their riders. One of which nearly climbed over the Smart.
I get home after 5 hours. Go up the local pub for tea.
Christmas Eve: Pack the car up with presents and Nos 2 & 3 children and drive to 96-year-old Mother's in Wolverhampton. SatNav says 3 hours. Get to Luton on the M1 and see 4 lanes of totally stationary traffic. SatNav is smart enough to divert us off to the A5 (or something).
We get to Mom's after 5 hours. Go up the local pub for tea.
Christmas Day: Mom has been got up at 07:30 by the carers as is normal. We all get up at 08:00 'cos of the noise (and not the smell of turkey cooking, although I think I smelled some from the next door neighbour's, although this may have been some unidentified medicine of Mom's downstairs). We sort of manage to have some form of order giving out presents and the "this is for you" conversations are interspersed with "Are you still at school?", "No I've finished university Grandma and have my degree", "Oh, are you a teacher?", "No, I manage a large pub", "What? Are you a drunkard?!", "No, I work behind the bar", "So, when do you finish school then?".
This repeats for 5 hours until Mom's Meals-On-Wheels arrives. We walk to the local pub for Christmas Dinner.
My Daughter summed it up: "So, that was crap then wasn't it?"
Boxing Day: We have to drive home because daughter has to work the Evening Shift. SatNav says 3 hours. We get held up at the Dartford Crossing.
This takes 5 hours. We go to the local pub for tea. It is shut.
Tuesday 27th: Go to Mother-In-Law's for Wife's-side-of-the-family Christmas Buffet. Mother-In-Law has just had a replacement knee operation and can't do anything. We buy the buffet, prepare it all and do everything else.
This takes 5 hours. We stay in, get rat-*rsed and go to bed.
Wednesday 28th: Go into work as we are moving offices as I want to make sure I get a good seat. This involves carrying 3 boxes of my stuff from the old office, across the walk-bridge and into the new office and should take about an hour. There are three other people involved in the move.
This takes 5 hours. I want to go up the pub for tea, but feel too hung-over still.
Thursday 29th: This is the first day my wife and I have time to ourselves. We get up late and read books and stuff.
This takes 5 hours. We still aren't up to going up the pub yet.
New Year's Eve: We go to our friend's daughter's 21st birthday party at the local village hall. It's a disco with speakers that could power a jumbo jet. I think I heard the chimes of Big Ben in there somewhere. We spent the evening mostly shouting at one another across the table and getting blinded by the lasers from the disco.
This takes a very, very long 5 hours.
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