Hedgehogs
1There 750,000 hedgehogs in Britain. Well, no. There are 750,003 hedgehogs in Britain. The other 3 are alive and well in my garden. We always knew the adult (now known as Gertrude, thanks to my daughter) was there. She would come out at dusk and do her normal patrol around the garden and then disappear off out of the gate. However, the other day we heard a squeaking sound."Oh for heaven's sake. The budgie-woman-next-door has let the dog out and it's playing with that damn plastic bone again". A few minutes of investigation later...
"Ah. That'll be a baby hedgehog then crying for its mum."
It had fallen out of the flower bed and couldn't get back up.
"Let's feed it some cat food and put it back in the nest" says the wife.
"You can't do that, because it'll tell its friends and we'll have 750,000 hedgehogs lined up outside the door in a threatening manner all demanding cat food. Not only that, we'll have Bill Oddie on the phone telling us off for interfering in Nature"
"Oh look, Sonic likes cat food" (Sonic? Oh, I remember)
"Ah."
(night passes)
Squeaking sound returns. The poor thing still hasn't found mum so, reluctantly, and wearing my welding gauntlets, I pick it up and put in the hedgehog nest in the border. Much squeaking and grunting later and mum and offspring are reunited. I go to work with a nice warm feeling.
(ring, ring)
"You know that baby hedgehog?"
"Yup"
"There are two2 of them"
"Shall I ring Bill Oddie?"
1This was taken in the dark, so autofocus and framing was *slightly* tricky.
2Sonic and Rubble. Nope, me neither.
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