The Generation Game

It was Mom's 95th birthday last week and we went up to visit. We took our usual places in the knackered armchairs - y'know, the ones that when you sit in them the arms neatly tuck themselves under your armpit and they're impossible to get out of without the aid of an engine hoist. And, when you do finally manage to stand up you have to reset the positions of the fabric throws that were put there in 1940¹ to "save the upholstery".

My sister had previously warned me that they'd finally given up the ghost but Mom had refused to let her swap them with the good pair that were now languishing in the garage. We put them there after we'd turned the front room into Mom's downstairs bedroom.

"You see if she'll let you swap them, you're her favourite..."

Thanks.

To digress a little. Every since I've been little, I'd always noticed that the chairs in the front room never matched the sofa and the chairs in the back room were only ever a pair on their own with no sofa. I'd also noticed that they were very old and covered in loose throws.

"Erm, Mom? How about if we swap these armchairs for a decent pair?"

There now followed a potted history of the chairs, where they came from and how old they were and why we shouldn't change them and why they were important for the War Effort.

"...anyhow," she continued, "I've never sat in them because I can't get in and out of them, I'm fine with this chair the Social² have given me. Why should I change them?"
"Because they're bloody uncomfortable? and, nobody else can get in and out of them either!"
"Oh, alright then."

We seized the opportunity and whisked the two chairs out and swapped them for the "garage" pair. Excellent. Job done. You could now sit down and watch the TV at the correct height and not have to worry about spilling a cup of tea because you didn't have to manoeuvre your arm around ancient woodland and 100 square feet of loose fabric.

That was the background. Now the point of all this...

I suddenly wondered if there was anything down the backs of the old chairs.

I found:

1. £5.68 (including 4 pound coins and three 50 pence coins).
2. A pair of nail scissors.
3. Two nail emery boards.
4. Two paper bookmarks.
5. A Parker Pen (which still worked - well done Parker).
6. Handfuls of fluff and stuffing.
7. A hair-clip.
8. An assortment of unidentifiable dried foodstuffs (eg biscuit crumbs and possibly chocolate fragments (don't go there))
9. About two handfuls of Kellogg's Cornflakes.
10. And an old Siemens Mobile phone.
    

Hang on - "I've never sat in those chairs, I can't get in and out of them!" - No? But the cornflakes are a dead giveaway aren't they?

I pushed the two chairs into the garage alongside the sofa. I was just shutting the door when I suddenly noticed that the two chairs and the sofa made a matching trio. Two completely s*****d armchairs and a pristine sofa.

Hey ho, what's down the Chairs tonight?

"Hair-Clip! Parker Pen! Cuddly toy! Cuddly toy!"

"Good game, Good game"

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¹No, again, really.
²Wolverhampton Social Services (The Old, no, very old, persons department).