50+ and proud of it.

Ellen had her first lot of chemo on Wednesday. And, not surprisingly, is feeling extrememly rough. Her husband is being pretty negative all-in-all. Statements like "So, this is it, she's going to die 1 " were heard. It was up to my wife to go over and sit with her last night, and try to convince said husband that they wouldn't spend the money on therapy if they didn't think it was going to work. Whether or not that is the case, I have no idea, but it seemed to work and he perked up somewhat. We can only wait, watch and pray. 1 Normally, I delight in (mis)quoting The Hitch Hiker's Guide, but not in this case.

Now, by law, Estate Agents have to pass on any offer. "Hello, the chap who came to see your bungalow on Wednesday has made an offer! What do you think about that?" "Look, cut the crap, just get on with it" "He put in an offer of £175k" "So this is the bloke who's desperate to find somewhere because he's sold his house?" "Yes" "...and my bungalow is in perfect condition?" "Yes" "...and it's full of G-Plan and Schreiber furniture?" "Yes" "That'll be a 'No' then."

Well, the silence from yesterday's supposed viewing is deafening. However, she rang me up this morning with some old twadlle about the World Cup causing the housing market to slow down and they were running a "promotion" in the office and were asking all sellers if they minded reducing their prices by 7% ! What?! Are you mad? Sorry, a "promotion" is something run by a company to flog their product, not something that seems a good idea but won't actually cost them a bean. I suppose the fee charged by them won't reduce by 7% as well will it?

I had a phone call from the Estate Agents yesterday. 'parently, some bloke is coming to see it for the second time tomorrow and is "very interested". Ok, heard that before, but this seems different this time. He has just sold his house and needs to buy another fairly pronto. He is only interested because the price has come down to a more reasonable level. I've also indicated that any buyer can have all the furniture and so on that's in the house. Why didn't they just get it right in the first place? Watch this space...

So here I am, sitting alone on a Friday afternoon in the Rabbit Hutch - sorry Testing Hut. For the past month I've been testing a new European-wide order/manufacturing (MRP? possibly) system in a team of about 20 people from all over Europe. It's based on SAP but with bits added to link up to a specialised planning system and into the factory manufacturing systems. For the past month I've been a great critic of the way it works, the way it's been planned, the way integration/testing/acceptance has been done. "We can't possibly go live with all the faults" I've been saying, "It's not stable enough", "there's been too much 'fudging' going on" & etc ad nauseam. Ok, to be honest, these have been my private views and I haven't actually put my head over the parapet - I've just got on with what I've been asked to do. Anyway, today at the "wrap-up" after Acceptance Testing, the Project Manager asked...

I'm not normally vindictive - but I hope someone gets sacked for this. Ellen caught a chest infection and called "the doctor" (no caps, that's far too nice) and she (MD) asked: "Are you allergic to anything?" "Yes, I get a violent reaction to penicillin" "Ok, take these then" Fortunately her sister was on the ball and took a look at the spray thing she'd just been given - Amoxicillin (take a look at http://www.drugs.com/amoxicillin.html) Next day Ellen was throwing up the pain relief tablets that she had got from the Hospice nurse and asked for a prescription that could help. The nurse said she would get the doctor to sign a prescription. "It'll be at the doctors in a few hours" (ring ring) "Hello, is my prescription ready?" "Who are you then?" Funnily enough, not the Hospice Nurses fault. This "doctor" needs nailing to a tree.

To try to explain what today was about would take several pages of A4. So, suffice to say "Never, ever work with the Finnish." These guys communicate with telepathy (have you ever listened to an interview with Mika Hakkinen?) "Well Mika, you won. Tell us about the race" "Yes, wewentfastandcameinfirst" The Finnish contingent go mad knowing exactly how the race panned out, what nuances were used in the strategy and precisely what he is going to have for tea tonight. Obviously, I was to know that they were using a different messaging system to the one I had programmed and how dare I suggest that my protocols had in fact been agreed in writing by all participants not some 4 years ago. Now, I don't speak Finnish, so technical English is probably a bit difficult for non-native English, but I reckon "Use papiNET version 1.1" isn't that difficult. Tomorrow I think I'll try:- "Dontbloodywelleditthedefinitionfile"

(Ring)(Ring)(Ring) "Hello?" "Someone has viewed your bungalow and is very interested in it" "Oh good(!)" "But they're having trouble with finances and can only raise £170k, what shall I tell them?" "Are you serious?" "Oh yes, we have to tell you about every offer" "Even the most ridiculous ones?" "Yes, it's in the Estate Agents Act 1979" "Is that the same act that says 'you must be open and honest with your client'?" "Ah." (Click, burrrr...)

I now found out that Ellen (my neighbour) has at least 4 secondary cancers. Not that this helps at all but she went to the doctors last October with reflux (acid indigestion) and they kept saying "just keep taking antacid tablets" even though she eventually couldn't eat. "But what about this lump on my neck?" "It'a a virus, don't worry about it" (no, really) It was the local nurse who, having seen her for the first time, went harpic and made the doctors do a blood test and spotted the primary oesophageal tumour. Sadly, she's got worse over the last week.

I was attempting to get my teenage daughter to start her own blog as her English language and imagination are pretty good. "Why don't you start a blog?" "Because all my friends have one and mine would simply be clones of theirs." "Ah. What did you say you wanted to be when you grew up? "A management consultant" BTW: My eldest son has now spent a fortnight in his new job...

OMG. I've just found out that my neigbour and best friend has cancer.

Gad, don't ya lurv the Internet? Last Friday, my 10 year old video recorder went T/U and the head failed (I think, never mind, any excuse). Now, I'm off to see Mom in Wolverhampton over the weekend and will therefore miss Doctor Who - and we can't have that can we? So armed with some money left over from the Aunt's Inheritance I trot off to my local Currys Electrical store to see what they've got. After much avoidance of "The Vamp" (different story and will be told sometime) I get someone who actually knows what they're on about and I eventually buy a "LiteON LVW-1106HC+" DVD recorder. "Hi I want to buy a DVD recorder please" "Which one?" "I was looking at the cheaper end of the market, what's wrong with, say, this Goodmans?" "They're crap mate" So I choose the silver fronted (on-offer-for-£20-less-that-the-black-one) LiteON. I get it home and find the box contains the black fronted one - result...

Well, my eldest son finally got of his a*** and went knocking doors on the local industrial estate to see of anyone had a job. And, amazingly enough, he got one. Ok, it's "pressing a button on a machine", but it's work with some prospects - he can go out with a fitter later. Which just goes to show that there's no excuse for able-bodied people not to try. He's only been at work for a day so far so we'll see how long before the bubble bursts and he jacks it all in "coz i'm bored". However, so far, I'm quite proud of him - but don't tell him I said that will you?

...or even "The Green Machine". Well, after having it stuck on my driveway since last October, I got it MOT'd this morning having put on a new exhaust and two tyres. So, quite pleased. I'll post a picture later when I can get one sorted. Considering my son paid £17 for it (actually it was £20 really) it's quite a nice motor. "How much for the GT mate?" "100 quid" (long haggle ensues, including "Are you kidding, it's Lime Green", "Actually it's Kawasaki Bike Green") "Oh, alright 20 quid then" (lots of cleaning out and removing extraneous wiring later) "Oh, look here's 3 quid under the seats". "Oh good(!), that'll pay for the new exhaust and tyres then."

Nows here's an interesting little link:- http://www.oft.gov.uk/Business/Legal/Estate/default.htm which is the Plain English version of the Estate Agents Act 1979. And, here's the first sentence:- The Estate Agents Act 1979 regulates your work as an estate agent. Its purpose is to make sure that you act in the best interests of your clients, and that both buyers and sellers are treated honestly, fairly and promptly. Interesting.

Now call me cynical if you want, but I think I've just fallen foul of the "Estate Agent Scam". Briefly it's like this:- You ask them to put the house on the market and they say it's (e.g.) 2% of the price. They say the house is worth (an inflated) £250k and therefore their fee is £5k. So you agree for them to sell it 'cos that's a lot more than you expected the house is worth. You sign an agreement which says "I agree to pay you £5,000 on sale". Now, a small time later, they say "Oh, it's not had any interest, how about reducing the price to a more realistic £200k?" - but, and here's the catch, there's no mention about reducing the fee because you signed an agreement for a fixed £5,000 not 2% of the selling price . I've checked with them and this is the case it's a fixed fee based on the original asking price which they put on in the first place. In my case, this was not made clear and we spoke about percentages ...

After a hard day at the office, my son came home moaning that he "carnt git a job". He has 7 GCE's (or "O" Levels as we used to know them as). Not surprisngly, in this economic climate, no one wants a sulky 19 year old with no qualifications. So the warning, from someone who's been there, is:- 'For Heaven's sake, listen to your parents and stay on at school and get the best grades you can' But you knew that didn't you? Seen on the back of a white van:- "Hire a teenager while they still know everything"

Now call me naive or something, but when someone says that they will do something, I generally expect them to do it. The agents with whom I have the bungalow for sale with said they would contact me every 14 days to tell me how things are going. They of course, haven't. So here's the advice for what it's worth. You have to keep on at them, not vice-versa. Logically, if you're paying them to do a job for you so you would expect that they did it. Hey-ho. The excuse given was "It's nearly Summer and we're getting very busy." So, what decision did they make to not do my job and do someone elses instead? I've added the picture of the bungalow by linking to their website. Let's pinch their bandwidth...

Having failed to give away the table to charity last week, I suggested that I should put it on eBay for a start of £2 and promised to throw it away if no one bought it. I also put a "Buy-It-Now" of £10 on for fun. Guess what? Postage is a bit hard for a table + 4 chairs so I said I'd deliver locally if required. The very nice lady who bought it asked me to deliver and I said I'd do it for £6. Driving down I felt guilty and was going to ask for a fiver. "Thanks very much, here's £10 for delivery" "I haven't got any change" "No, I was going to give you that anyway"

20 budgies packed up in a crate and taken to Budgie Heaven - well, somewhere else anyway. "Thank God they're gone, I was contemplating suicide" "There's no need for that, why should you want to do that?" "No, not mine, hers." I had run a whole bunch of "Tweet-away" scenarios. Including a small explosive device positioned approximately 3 feet from ground level with its blast pattern due west. I must admit to not having completely run that one through all possible conclusions... If Anti-Terrorist-Branch Then ' Nope - not sure what to do here End If (Note, no budgies have been harmed in the making of this blog)