Death On The Nile - Cairo I

For her 50th birthday present my wife conned me into booking a Nile Cruise with 3 days in Cairo with our friends Mrs "H" & Mr "K". On the first day we decided to "do" the Pyramids.

I learnt a few things:
  • Egypt is hot. Very hot. The sand is even hotter.
  • Everyone wants a tip (baksheesh), especially if you look at them. This is why tourists always look at their feet or talk to the person to them even if they've never met them before.
  • The inside of a pyramid has no air. Fat American Tourists have small lungs.
  • Never take pictures of men in long robes. See "tip".
  • Never, ever take pictures of men with AK47's. See "tip" as well.
  • Men with AK47's can demand as large a tip as they please.
Having run the gauntlet of pestering Egyptians selling small pyramids (or Pyramid Salesmen as my wife pointed out) we made it off the Giza Plateau and back to the hotel.

We decided to go to the Cairo Hard Rock Cafe for dinner and duly hailed a cab, negotiated a fare of $5 US and got in - immediately wanted to get out but couldn't - all the door handles were broke. One of the rear windows was held up with a screwdriver and most of the door panels were hanging off. The driver shot off into the traffic.

It was now dark and only the foolish drivers were using headlights. H & wife screamed - this encouraged the driver to go faster.

At one point he spat out of the window. "Eets OK, eets driver side" he explained.

The taxi launched down an incline and entered an underpass. Through the screaming I heard someone say, "Oh shit, I'm not fucking Diana, I'm not famous enough."

We eventually reached the cafe in one piece, paid the man who spat out of the window again and he hurtled off crashing the security barrier on his way out.

"I need a damn good drink!", I said. Everyone nodded. Sadly, it was still in Ramadan and Cairo was dry...

It has taken me longer to write this entry than it took for the 2 mile journey.

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