Sicily, or, Why Italians Drive Ferraris

Day One: Drive to villa in Sicily and find entrance guarded by automatic gates. Hang around a bit wondering how they work and eventually get let in by friends who are already there. Drive 100 yards up the narrow drive to the parking spot at the top by the villa.

Gates ^

Day Two: Drive down said long narrow drive and get let out of automatic gates by friend pressing the "open" button by the villa. Get back in later by phoning friend and pathetically pleading for them to open the gates.

Day Three: Open gates myself by pressing button by the villa, get in car, drive down long drive to find gates shutting on their own. Can't get out of car because of narrow drive. Reverse back up narrow drive to villa, wife gets out to press button to open the gates, gets back in car and we drive down to find the gates shutting again. Have plan. Reverse back to villa, wife gets out and waits for me to drive down to front of gates. She presses the button and wait for gates to open. They don't. Reverse back up drive to berate wife about not pressing the button. Gates now opening as I've now cleared the "you're too close to the gates sensor". Friend opens gates for us (again).

Day Four: Leave wife by villa. Drive down to nearly in front of the gates. Gates open, Drive through and wait for wife. Gates close before wife reaches bottom of drive. Plead with friend again (via phone) to open gates for wife.

Day Five: Go out with friend. Alternate friend opens gates.

Day Six (am): Stay by pool. Let friend out by pressing button after receiving threatening phone call.

Day Six (pm): Drive car to top of drive. Park *just* short of narrow bit at top of drive so wife can get in after pressing button. Accelerate the crappy 1.4 diesel Fiesta like buggery with wife still half in car. Get to gates just in time and do a Dukes Of Hazzard style yee-har jump over the entrance into the lane. Stop just short of the wall opposite and find gates still wide open. Get a phone call from friend who can't speak due to laughter and eventually explains that I've driven past the other "car by gates - keep open" sensor.

Day Seven (6 am): Pack car to leave villa. Discover button in the shrubbery by the gate marked "Pulsante da aprirsi". Shouting wakes up nearby dog.

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