Cars! CARS! Don't talk to me about cars...
Where to begin? Let's start with the Astra - 100k miles on the engine and a while ago it started leaking oil.
"Hello sir, you're leaking oil, we need to look at it."
"Ok"
"Well, we've looked at it and we think it's coming from the main oil seal. But don't worry we've checked for ring blow-by and that's fine so we'd like to charge you £700 to fix it."
"Ok"
"Here's you car back sir, that'll be £700."
"Ok, I notice that it still leaking oil from the same place."
"Well, we need to look at it."
"Ok"
"Well we've looked at it and we think it's coming from the sump gasket."
"It that the same sump gasket you replaced a while ago?"
"Ah, well that was over a year ago and Vauxhall only guarantee a year yada yada yada, and it might be blow by."
"Is this the same blow-by that you said was fine last August when all this lot kicked off? Let me explain about compression testing, blow-by and how it all works. Surely Vauxhall must give you a set of values below which you can categorically say that the engine's f**d and it's not worth my while fixing it?"
"Not sure."
"WTF? You're the Service Manager at Pomphrey's of Sittingbourne, Malcolm1. What d'you mean 'Not sure?'"
1His real name.
And now to the smart...
I'll be brief.
1. Buy car from Drake and Fletcher, Maidstone about two years ago.
2. Change sparking plugs at 21,000 miles - this requires removing both Brabus side skirts (no, really).
3. Take car back under guarantee 'cos the door handle falls off (common roadster fault) about 2 months later.
4. Get car back, two weeks later notice the offside side skirt is flapping in the breeze because the large black clip thingy is missing at the front.
"Hello D&F, where's the side skirt clip?"
"Oh, we've probably got it, we won't have thrown it away, bring the car back and we'll sort it."
5. Take car back.
6. Get car back and side skirt is now snugly fastened to the body. Excellent.
Time and 20,000 miles pass.
7. Go to change sparking plugs again.
8. Can't get the offside side skirt off.
9. Discover black clip thingy is still missing. Side skirt has been bonded onto the bodywork with a large lump of black mastic...
I'll get 'em back, not sure how, but I will :-)
"Hello sir, you're leaking oil, we need to look at it."
"Ok"
"Well, we've looked at it and we think it's coming from the main oil seal. But don't worry we've checked for ring blow-by and that's fine so we'd like to charge you £700 to fix it."
"Ok"
"Here's you car back sir, that'll be £700."
"Ok, I notice that it still leaking oil from the same place."
"Well, we need to look at it."
"Ok"
"Well we've looked at it and we think it's coming from the sump gasket."
"It that the same sump gasket you replaced a while ago?"
"Ah, well that was over a year ago and Vauxhall only guarantee a year yada yada yada, and it might be blow by."
"Is this the same blow-by that you said was fine last August when all this lot kicked off? Let me explain about compression testing, blow-by and how it all works. Surely Vauxhall must give you a set of values below which you can categorically say that the engine's f**d and it's not worth my while fixing it?"
"Not sure."
"WTF? You're the Service Manager at Pomphrey's of Sittingbourne, Malcolm1. What d'you mean 'Not sure?'"
1His real name.
And now to the smart...
I'll be brief.
1. Buy car from Drake and Fletcher, Maidstone about two years ago.
2. Change sparking plugs at 21,000 miles - this requires removing both Brabus side skirts (no, really).
3. Take car back under guarantee 'cos the door handle falls off (common roadster fault) about 2 months later.
4. Get car back, two weeks later notice the offside side skirt is flapping in the breeze because the large black clip thingy is missing at the front.
"Hello D&F, where's the side skirt clip?"
"Oh, we've probably got it, we won't have thrown it away, bring the car back and we'll sort it."
5. Take car back.
6. Get car back and side skirt is now snugly fastened to the body. Excellent.
Time and 20,000 miles pass.
7. Go to change sparking plugs again.
8. Can't get the offside side skirt off.
9. Discover black clip thingy is still missing. Side skirt has been bonded onto the bodywork with a large lump of black mastic...
I'll get 'em back, not sure how, but I will :-)
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