Things that make you go "whoa!"

We went to Paris over the weekend and I got conned into visiting the Musée de l’Orangerie to see the "really nice paintings" in there, when all I wanted to do was to sit in a nice warm Parisian bar with a bottle of red.

The entrance had an airport-style scanner manned by a rather large guard. Presumably in the past they had problems with people smuggling in "really nice paintings". Predictably it went 'beep'.

"Emptee yur pokeets please"
"Ok, certainly"
'beep'
"'Av you got a belt?"
"Yup, I have"
'beep'
"Put yur camera ovur there"
"Ok"
'beep'
"Take off yur jackeet"
"Hmpf"
'beep'

I was now nearly down to socks, shoes and underwear.

The queue behind me started to mutter somewhat. "Mon Dieu, les fou Anglais". The security man furiously glared at me.

"What 'av you got that makes eet go 'beep'?"
"I do nit know what I 'av got"

It was at that point that my wife gave that fixed stare that can only say one thing - "Shut. Up." The man got bored, rolled his eyes and waved me through. 'beep'

You walk around the screen into the room, see this and 8 others of a similar size. They are just spectacular:


We got kicked out at closing time and we walked past the same guard who eyed me up suspiciously all the way.

"Well, I have to say, they were 'really nice paintings' I'm really glad we spent £15 on them." My wife fixed me with that same glare and very carefully stood on my foot.

"Ah"
"What?"

"I've got my safety shoes on."

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