50+ and proud of it.

I was late this morning for various reasons, so I abandoned the roadie in the street just before rushing in to get changed to go to work. I got out of the car and with a small deft tap of my knee knocked the car keys from my hand:- One smart Roadster (Brabus 101) - £8,300 Fuel for one fast dash in from Herne Bay - £2.50 One crowbar - £4.50 Dropping your car keys down the drain when you're in a hurry - priceless. Here's the picture: me lying prone in the road, with no shirt on, ear pressed to the tarmac, hand down a storm drain full of very dead leaves rummaging around 18" of stagnant water. It took me about 15 minutes to get the damn drain cover off as it was cemented in with 25 years worth of dirt and gravel. Fortunately, the dead leaves supported the weight of the keys and they hadn't sunk to the bottom - still not sure how deep the water actually was. I was trying to imagine the conversation with the insurance people when trying to get them replaced as I was convinc...

Due to a lack of exciting or scary things at the moment - or as they say in the media - a slow news week, I thought I'd jot this little ditty down after seeing the wife on the beach: 'Never do a bikini line shave and then wear a very thin speedo swimming costume' I shall leave it up to the reader to ponder this one. Also, the most interesting thing that has happened recently is that I got a flat rear tyre on the Brabus. Spooky, it was flat as a twat last night, I pumped it up to 29psi using the most efficient, smart supplied German air pump, drove home 20 miles and it was still 29psi. This morning it was the same 29psi. Odd. The flat is due to me hitting a f*g great pothole in the dark in the middle of Kent the other week. The alloy rim bent about 1" but the tyre remained up although leaking slightly. The tyre man made the astounding revelation "If it goes down, then you'd better get it fixed". Well it went flat yesterday, and although it's still ...

How scary is this then? I'd just picked up the brake bits from the smart Dealer and driving back in what seems like the only break in the rain this month, I was enjoying 1 driving north up the A249 from the Stockbury roundabout in the left hand side of the dual carriageway - now that bit is important. The south-bound road is on the other side of a very secure central reservation and crash-barrier. Fortunately there was only me and an M3 beamer on the road. Round the bend on MY side of the road driving south in the "fast" lane is a newish blue Corsa (or something). As I explained to the Police later, the last thing you do when faced with a 100mph head-on collision is take the other blokes number or go "my, that's a nice SRi with aftermarket wheel trims". ring ring ring "Hello, I've nearly been killed" "Don't worry sir, so's a few other people too" If you ARE the b*d who was driving, you owe me a laundry bill. 1 i.e. giving it...

Hmm. When I test drove the smart Roadster in April I complained that the brakes were strange (like, they didn't work going into a roundabout). Indeed, I understand that they are a bit odd anyway at the best of times. However, the selling garage said that "they'd get them fixed". They did and things were fine. Last week they got progressively worse - so much so that I figured I bust a slave cylinder or something. I pulled the rear drum off and had look. The offside pawl was missing, resulting in no slack being taken up by the ratchet as the shoes wore down. "Hello, this bit's missing, I'd like you to fix it under guarantee." "Oh no, sir, it's part of the brakes and they're not covered." "Um, no, brakes are the weary-down thingies that... never mind" "Ok, you get the bit and we'll pay for it" "Fair enough, I've got nothing better to do at the weekend..." I must be mad.