50+ and proud of it.

Now much as I love my mother, there comes a point when oldpersonicide becomes a distinct possibility. Every year for her birthday, we go up to the Midlands and bring her back for a week 1 so that we can take her out and all those good things. My wife organises her work and takes a few days off, I arrange "no meetings" so I can come home for lunch and the children make sure that they are "in" during the evenings. We drive the 4 hours up to the Midlands. "Hello Mom, get your suitcase we're going back, we've got a table booked tomorrow for your birthday" "I'm not going." I think it's because her shoes don't fit - don't ask. So, thinking on feet, we decide to go to a place called Ironbridge in Shropshire and have an afternoon out. We go to a quintessentially English Tea Room opposite the Iron Bridge and have Tea and Scones 2 . So there we are, sitting in glorious sunshine sipping English Breakfast Tea and eating possibly the...

I've been driving for some 34 years and it's only when you start to teach people to drive that you realise it's not actually a natural thing to do. My own experiences being lost to a few distant memories such as:- "Err, I suggest you don't run into that parked car" "Stop looking at the motor bikes and watch the road!" and, in response to my "It's impossible to reverse around that corner!" was "Get out, shut up, and stand there while I do it" - thanks Dad. Anyway, daughter is doing Ok. But I realised what I was up against when I had to tell her to "straighten up" after telling her to turn left. Fortunately, the kerb isn't that high just there...

So that's it then. After 27½ years I sold my Arkley to a guy who is going to "do it up" and drive it. Sad? Yup.

Y'know, it's strange how you feel. The bungalow was sold and yet I needed to know everything was OK. By a strange coincidence, I had some papers (old guarantees etc) for historical purposes that I needed to pop through the letter box. I went round and the new owner was outside. "Hi, I'd like to thank you for leaving the place in such good condition and everything. This place is just what I want - everything is just great!" Now that's what I needed to know. On a different note. I went round to the solicitors. "Um, can I have my money please?" "Certainly, please sign your life away here" Hang on, it's says here "Interest £60" - I knew they were crooks. "Err, no" says the wife, "that's what they're giving you, that's a weeks worth of interest gained while they had the money in their account." Oops. Do I owe anyone an apology?

Eeek. I am just starting to teach my daughter to drive. I now understand why Americans favour automatic gearboxes.

The bungalow passed peacefully into new owners on 1st September 2006. But - solicitors are really something aren't they? As a parting shot the following conversation occured: "Hello, when can I collect the cash?" "We have to pay the estate agents first and then take our fee." "Ok, do that and then when I collect the cash?" "Ah, well, as it's capital transfer to more than one legacee we have to get written letters of approval from all parties." "Eh? Where's that written down then? I'm the sole executor, so just write a damn cheque to me - I'll do the necessary distribution!" ...and without drawing breath he came back with... "Oh, if that's what you want I'll do that". So, while I'm getting "letters of approval" this dosh is merrily sitting in their account gathering interest. Surely not.

After waiting for a second load of parts 1 to arrive from the States I rang up Dave the Air-Con bloke. "Hello, I've got my bits for the aircon." "I'll ring you tomorrow morning after I've done all my jobs" (night passes and it's now 8:10am) "Hello can you come round now" (Eeek, how early does this guy get up?) (time passes to 11:30am) "Hello, it's all done". Now that folks is service... 1 That'll be the discharge line and liquid line. Guess what? The Ford Dealer in Detroit was right about the orifice tube. Spooky

I now fully understand teenagers... I could never work out why "bad" meant "good" and "wicked" and etc etc. However, having spent the last week on a liner in the Mediterranean Sea I now know that "swell" really means "bad"... These cruises are an overeater's paradise. You really can eat 24/7 if you want to - the restaurants running consecutively from breakfast -> mid-morning snack -> lunch -> afternoon tea -> dinner -> evening buffet -> late night pizzas and back to breakfast again. I felt like a Hobbit; particularly as the cabin was small, comfortable and with a round window. The ship weighs 33,930 tonnes and take 1300 passengers and 500 crew. The passengers accounting for some 20,000 tonnes. I now know who eats all the pies.