50+ and proud of it.

(ring, ring, ring) "Hello" "Hello, it's me 1 ! I just stabbed myself in the foot with a pair of hairdressing scissors!" "Umm, what did you want to go and do that for?" "Never mind why, shall I go and get a tetanus jab?" "Dunno, ring up NHS Direct and ask them" "Are you kidding, they'll just says 'Yes' to be on the safe side, and I've got better things to so than to wait hours on the phone waiting for someone to answer" "Your choice, it's your foot that's bleeding - why don't you ring up the local hospital 2 and ask them instead?" "Good idea. What shall I tell them?" "You could say that you decided that the stress of the Festive Season 3 has become too great and you decided to end it all by stabbing yourself in the foot - just in case you changed your mind later." "That's not helpful" 1 The Wife. 2 Minor Injuries Unit only... 3 Can't say "Chri...

Shit happens, as my friend used to say (sadly, he's dead now, but that is another story 1 ). Mr Ego drilled a hole in the wrong place for the handle on one of the small doors. "Don't worry" he says, I've ordered another one. A *large* parcel turns up some days later with a full height 600mm door. I ring MFI (again). "Err, there's a parcel here with the wrong door in it" "Why did you order that one then sir?" "Eh? I didn't order it, it was the fitter he... Never mind, can you send me another door?" "Why do you want another 600m door, when it's wrong?" "No. I want another door to replace the one that's got the hole in the wrong place" "Oh, What door is that then?" "The small 'on the wall cupboard' door' that's only 450mm high!" "We don't make that one" "WTF? Look at the sales order woman, I ordered four small cupboards!" "Oh they're...

So the "man" turns up last Monday armed with a screwdriver and a large ego and starts to fit the kitchen. He decides that because I've not paid him to do the plumbing for the sink, he's going to fit the sink unit such that it's impossible to get to the pipe-work behind; and he knows that the dishwasher infeed hose won't reach the appliance tap under the sink... I got him back by going to MFI and asking them supply me with the shelves which he's taken away with him because there's no place for them. Well, they're my shelves, I want to throw them away, not him. I eventually re-do the pipework and fit the dishwasher, outside tap spur and new monobloc tap using "speedfit" flexibles. I should at this juncture point out that the new kitchen saga all began because the old taps dripped. The new tap dripped. I take the tap back to B&Q and ask for a refund under Sales Of Goods Act - not fit for purpose. Much to my amazement, I get a full ref...