50+ and proud of it.

I heard this morning that two seasoned yachts-persons from Kent have almost certainly been hijacked by Somali Pirates near the Seychelles. This is admittedly a little way from the main part of the Indian Ocean where the pirates normally operate, but, nonetheless in the same ocean. I was just imagining the conversation in 1, Acacia Avenue, Tunbridge Wells, Kent. "I've got this great idea darling, let's take the yacht to the Indian Ocean near the Seychelles!" "Isn't that where a lot of ships and boats have been hijacked and held to ransom?" "Yes" "I'll get my coat then". And on a completely different subject, my friend got his smart Brabus Roadster mapped by Reddot in Watford the other day. They reckoned it was 116BHP before mapping (even after putting on a standard map) and 126BHP afterwards. It's important to note that prior to all this both cars were identical in performance. It is logical, Jim, that my car has 116 brake... ...

I watched Jenson Button drive a stunning race at São Paulo to win the F1 Championship last weekend. Why he hasn't driven like that before is a mystery, but hey ho, that's the way it is. I don't buy any papers to read, but I was musing over the different headlines that might appear: The Times Button seals F1 title at Interlagos in thrilling race. The Sun BUTTON FLIES TO WIN! BARICHELLO UNDONE The Guardian Button flies undone tow in Barichello. The Daily Star Button romps in Brazilian win! The Sport More Sex Please, We're British... There's a guy in the car park who has the number plate B13AWN. I think he's already emailed Ross...

We went to see my mom over the weekend and took the Egypt photos with us. She casually dismissed 7½ millennia of culture and history with one remark: "Pyramids? What's the point of them, they're not pretty are they?" I must admit, I can see her point. (Did you know that Freecell game 3885 can be solved without using the free cells?)

The highlight of the Nile Trip was to visit the famous temple of Rameses II at Abu Simbel. In the early 60's, when my Dad first got a black & white TV, I used to come home from school and watch the BBC2 Trade Test Colour films. One of these was about the saving of the Abu Simbel Temples from the rising waters of Lake Nasser. I always wanted to go and see them after watching that film. (Although I can't find any reference to this particular test film on the net - so maybe I've got this bit wrong). We had a 3 hour drive across the desert which entailed a 03:30 start and a promise of "I'll wake you up to see the fantastic sunrise across the desert!". TBH, I've seen better at Herne Bay, but hey-ho, I was there at 04:44... These temples are just stunning. You're not allowed to take pictures inside the temples, but a little "baksheesh" to the man with the AK47 I got this one - along with several other people all taking advantage and jostling...

Yet another check box on my "things to do before I die" list was to visit the Valley Of The Kings. I guess it's to do with learning about Tutankhamen at school. So yet another early start, not because of the travelling distance but because the valley gets *so* hot you need to have done it by 09:30 else it's deep-fried Mars Bar time. Even at 07:30 it's hot - 'kin hot in fact. The valley is just rock and sand with absolutely nothing there except several holes in the wall and a few sun-shelters. Sadly, because people can't be trusted NOT to take flash photos in the tombs, they've stopped all cameras going in period. So, I stole this off the net (sorry): Now I have to admit to being a tad unwell due to too much food/beer night before and after visiting my first oven, sorry, tomb (KV 14 - Tausert and Setnakht), I was stopped by impaired breathing and a general "I'm going to die" feeling. I sat down in the shade outside KV47 (Siptah). One of th...

The days of the following week merged into one long day consisting of temple visits in the morning and lounging by the pool on the Sun Deck in the afternoons watching the Nile go by. This was followed by evenings of exactly the same but with a beer. To quote the Goons: "Gad it's hot". It was 30°C on the top deck at midnight... On the first night my wife woke up soaking wet. The air-con pump had failed and all the condensate had emptied onto her bed. She thought about going to reception to complain there and then. She wasn't too pleased when I suggested that the Arabic translation of "My bed is wet" may not get the correct message across. The next morning we headed off to see the Temple of Hathor at Dendera (north of Luxor). Everyone was fine about the visit until someone pointed to the back of the boat - Yes, that really is a machine gun. They mount it especially for the journey from Luxor to Dendera and you moor up four deep when you get there, two boats...

During "Cairo II" we also managed to fit in a trip to the Cairo Museum and I fulfilled a life-long ambition to see the famous Tutankhamun mask. It's jaw-dropping and you can get real close to it. You have to have a bun-fight with the crowd, but it's worth it - especially if you shout "fire!" first. (This wasn't a good idea as I completely forgotten about the man outside with the AK47). This day however, we thought it best to do something a little less intense and chose to visit the Pharonic Village (a living village on an island depicting Ancient Egyptian life). This consisted of a Disney-like tableaux of volunteers doing "stuff" as the boat went passed. However we caught this guy off guard. He saw the boat a bit late, jumped up as though nothing had happened and continued to "build" his wall. I'm not sure, but I think you can see the smoke from a cigarette in his right hand. Oh, no, it's weed... I think it was about this poin...