50+ and proud of it.

So we've got this new kitchen on order from MFI and decide to buy the sink from B&Q (Gillingham). (We liked the colour or something). Now B&Q bless 'em, put a list of other "stuff" to get when you buy a sink. On the shelf it says "you need Packs A, B & C 1 " - which we duly purchase. Pack "B" is the complex double-sink pipework that you need to get it all to drain away through Pack "C" - the bottle trap. We go home. After three... "oh the leg bone is connected... etc etc" and after 20 minutes it's obvious that Pack "B", part F32 does not in anyway shape or form connect to Pack "C", bottle trap. My wife reads a label on the sink hidden behind the Leopard 2 that says "You need Packs A, B & D". We decide go to Herne Bay for a day out and on the way back, drop into B&Q (Herne Bay). To pick up Pack D and meet an old 3 man in a B&Q suit who claims to be a plumber:- "Sorr...

It's like this. The weather stays dry for 2 weeks - they come and put up the sides and they find that the specialised roof hasn't turned up from the makers as it should - and of course it rains overnight. So all that lovely sun-drying has come to naught... Bugger. I woke up at 3:00am to hear the rain pouring down. "Don't worry" I think, "I can always sweep it out in the morning" The 3:04 paranoia sets it... "Hang on! The doors are fitted, is really is like a swimming pool now, it could potentially get to six feet deep! Don't be silly, it can't rain that much! Ah, but, there's a hole where the sparky has drilled through the wall to put the ring-main. My God! If it gets that high it'll be all over the living room. Quick get up and open the doors...". And so and so forth in a similar vein. Fortunately, I fall asleep. I awake to find about 1mm in puddles on the floor. The men arrive. "Hello, don't worry, the lad will dry i...

I came home from work today (in the dark) to find that the conservatory was completely erected. "Odd" I thought, "I understood that it was going to take at least 3 days." I got the keys and went inside to have a look, was very impressed and went back indoors. "Nice isn't it?" asked the wife. "Yup, it's damn cold though, I though all that double-glazing was supposed to hold the heat?" "Well, they'll be back tomorrow though" "Why" "They haven't put the roof on yet..."

I am ashamed to admit that I trusted what my eldest son told me. Short version: Letter from Police about speeding, "It wasn't me" "Are you sure?" "Yes, really wasn't me, I was sh***ing my girlfriend at the time." "Ok, I'll write a nice solicitor sounding letter" ...time passes... (ring) (ring) "It's the Police, (blah) Peverting the course of justice (blah) Video evidence (blah) Lose license (blah)" "Um, it was me really" Funnily enough, I went very quiet. I am really, really, really f*'ing annoyed with the little twat. Not for speeding, we've all done that haven't we chaps?, but for lying to me...

I certainly didn't expect one of the hedgehogs to hibernate in the greenhouse... I need to do some research - do they get up at all for a snack, like squirrels do? Or, can I shut the door? Are they smart enough to ring the bell if they want to get out?

Another outing for the daughter in the car. This time 3 miles along the main road to pick up son number 2 from his friends. Her boyfriend came with us in the back of the car. "Don't say a word! " I warned him. And, to be fair, not a murmur was heard. When we got back I asked the question - "Well, that wasn't too bad, I didn't think I was going to die that time, did you?". There was an ominous silence. "Ummm, only twice..."